


Our firsts and our lasts

by straightouttapopstar



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: :’)))), M/M, a month late to the party, and look at me, fluff!!!, i love these boys, slow romantic dancing, this was supposed to be for the first day of xanlow week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 19:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12800979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straightouttapopstar/pseuds/straightouttapopstar
Summary: Laslow wasn’t Xander’s first retainer.But he certainly would be his last.





	Our firsts and our lasts

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not actually lying, half of this was written on the first day of xanlow week and then I just. never finished it :(  
> Sad stuff but I managed to finish it rn so I guess that’s what counts!!!  
> About You, With Wings of an Angel: I’m having mock exams in two weeks which means revision and no time :((( the fic update will be most likely delayed until Christmas, perhaps after that - but the fic will definitely be continued!!  
> I hope you enjoy this little xanlow :D

He missed the feel of the other man's hands, their warmth and some kind of mutual understanding. As he pivoted around the silent room, save for the hasty steps of a passionate waltz, he could hear nothing but the beating of his own, pained heart. The Nohrian prince was worried, discontent, filled with doubts. Would he be able to fit the mould of a perfect retainer? A mould that was set by my last before he perished? Xander didn't have any significant scepticisms - that is, until Laslow ungracefully stepped on the prince's foot, eliciting a slight wince from the troubled noble.

"Oh no! I-I'm sorry Milord, please excuse my mistake. This is the first time I am taking part in a Nohrian dance, and I apologize I cannot get my feet around it."

Still holding Laslow's eyes in a prison of his heavy gaze, Xander shook his head dismissively.

"I shall overlook that - after all, we all make mistakes. Although, I would advise you to be wise and practice this dance so this inconvenience doesn't occur once more."

"Oh Milord, you're so gracious! I promise not to make the same error ever again."

It wasn't uncommon for the prince to be revising his steps with his closest retainer - although he was more drawn towards the idea of holding Peri's waist and dipping her to the floor, making her laugh and cheer, this deadly silent dance session with Laslow wasn't too bad.

That is, until Xander's memories began to wander back home through neuron valleys of his mind - and they finally hit home when Xander realized how much he missed his previous retainer.

Apparently, this realization was very obvious because soon, Laslow was hot on his trail of sadness and grimaces.

"Milord! Deepest apologies if I have managed to upset you - that was not my original intent--"

"Please don't. You are not the main source of discontent. Rather, you remind me of someone."

"Hm? Me? Who do I remind you of, Milord?"

"My previous retainer."

That topic seemed to excite Laslow, as the man's grin widened, and his grip on Xander's hand tightened by a few notches too much.

"Really? Wow! Why was he discharged from service, though?"

"He died."

That reply caused the ecstatic Laslow to miss a step, almost sending the entire routine into complete ruin - Xander was capable of catching him just before he performed the mistaken move. 

"Gods, I am so sorry for being so ridiculously inconsiderate. Milord, please forgive me!"

“It’s no bother, Laslow.”

They continued dancing silently again, Xander keeping a stern grip on his feelings as well as Laslow’s hand and waist. However, the other man looked pensive, deep in thought - and at that moment Xander knew that this pleasant silence wasn’t going to last long.

“...Was he nice?”

That question brought a smile to Xander’s face as he began to reach into the depths of memories faded away by loss, dreams of what could have been before war caused him to lose his precious companion.

“Oh, Laslow - he was more than nice. His swordsmanship was unparalleled, so were his handsome features, as well as his voice - I do have to admit, his voice did make the larger half of our royal court shiver in delight. He was an image of perfection, if I were to summarize. One that will hardly be surpassed, if ever.”

The prince felt like his heart had opened up like a mailbox and began spilling letters left and right, even though they were extremely confidential and private and precious. But he felt so strangely comfortable with saying so much at that moment, it was difficult to stop. Once his thoughts came back to the lovely time spent with his retainer, the evenings they shared and decisions they made together, it was difficult to let go of this emotional rush again.

“If I were to be honest with myself right now - I do miss him. I miss him like nobody else. We used to be...very close.”

“Very close?”

“Yes, very.”

Then, Xander suddenly acknowledged this empty space within his heart - this little collection of pointless air, gathering at his atria, untouched by the repeated current of blood. This small corner of apathy where the affection for his previous retainer once hid when he had still been on this very earth. It hurt him, pained him, made him feel breathless and faint - and upset. How happy he was to emphasize that both of them were close, so close they always stuck together. So close that Xander treated the man like his equal, not subject or retainer. So close that they would most likely give up their lives for each other. But Xander failed to protect him, and that hurt more than any other hard fact.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Laslow was slightly discontent at Xander’s mournful expression. Suddenly, a cheerful smile dawned on his lips.

“Milord, then I shall make sure to be even closer. I will utilize whatever I have at my disposal to attempt to surpass the standards set by your previous retainer.”

Although the royal was rather amused at the retainer’s confident grin and serious aims, he was way too skeptical to believe that anyone would be able to replace his last so easily. It was impossible, he waged.

“Are you sure you’ll be capable of that? You are setting yourself a large hurdle to cross.”

“Milord, I feel like I’m the only one who can possibly liberate you from the melancholic claws of these long-gone memories. Therefore, I shall make it my priority to make you happy again.”

“Very well - we shall see whether your ideas will be as right as you claim.”

Seeing this little flirt dance hand-in-hand with him that day didn’t particularly convince him of the positive notion. He didn’t believe anyone would be able to make him forget and be happy again, despite the fact that his happiness died long ago. It was still a fresh wound, one that did not heal with time, but destroyed him from the inside more and more as time went on.

Xander felt truly miserable, and since he was on the way to inheriting the crown with very little opportunity to have fun on his journey to the throne, it wouldn’t hurt to trust this smiling, young man, would it? As their hands remained connected and feet continued to trace patterns on the floor, it was as if the young prince felt a static spark, a magical current that flowed from his body to Laslow’s and back again. He could feel the man’s ecstatic grin eat into his melancholic thoughts, interrupting them and derailing every train of thought that had began its journey. It made him laugh, really - how easy it was to feel comfortable and casual next to Laslow, not needing to keep up appearances or pretend that he was any better than some farmer from a poor village.

He felt at ease. Calm. Collected. Ready to reciprocate the man’s smile and dance with him increasingly faster as he bore his amused eyes into Xander’s.

A decade later, it is rumoured that the king still reminisced about that memorable evening with a smile - mainly because he dared to think that Laslow was never wrong.

“He was never wrong, and that was one of the things I loved most about Laslow...” - Xander whispered, wiping away useless tears while looking at a flawless picture of man that was now long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed this - they honestly make my day :D


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